A Moonlit Night

As I sit here in my office looking at the moon - it is beautiful tonight. Temp is 70* and slight breeze. It's quiet and I like that - this is my time. I've inherited my Grandmother Fitzpatrick's body. I have very arthritic knees and 3 months ago started the "sinvis shots" and cortisone shots. It helps but I live in daily pain and it's worse at nights. They do not want to do total knee surgery until I am in my 60's - but, I don't know if I can tolerate it that long. It has already limited by physical movements and slowed me way down.

SLOWLY.....

I feel the drawing in.....
My body and mind being pulled slowly in....
Helpless as time relentlessly robs me.....

What will the next 10 years bring......
Will I make it to retirement.......
Who goes first.....

Never thought I'd be at this place in time....
Never thought there would be limits.....
Never thought about loneliness.....until now

There are lists to help the memory...
There are pills to help the pain....
There are pains, just to remind you.....

I'm tired of being the problem solver...
I'm tired of worrying about the bills.....
I'm tired of always being busy.......

I feel the drawing in.....

by Betty Thorsvig
July 2005

Surgery - Yuck

With only having 3 babies - this was my First Surgery. On March 8, 2005 I had my first surgery. Gall Bladder. It was getting worse and between Bill and my sister Sharon - I decided to go in and have it checked out. After just a regular x ray; they saw a stone the size of a golf ball. On March 7th I had the ultrasound, saw the doctor and went in the next morning. I was off work 3 weeks. I got very sick after surgery due to the anethestic. I stayed over night. I am really glad I had off 3 weeks - took a long time to get my strength back.
I wasn't scared tho - I had lots of people praying for me.
They did it laproscopically and no big cuts - was slick.

A Penny for your thoughts......

Sometimes we ask a person "A Penny for your thoughts?" It is usually when a person has that far off look in their eyes. I do tonight.....my mind has lots of thoughts.

• I am so lucky to have married Bill. He is such a wonderful husband, friend, Christian, father and a highly etchical man.
• The next 10 years scare me - our health, our finances and Taylor growing up.
• I'm thrilled that our children have all found their soul mates. And we love them all so dearly.
• How long will my mother be alive?
• I pray someday that Kris/Dustie and their family can find and attend a good church.
• Who will be the next close family member to pass away?
• It was just yesterday that Sharon was 18 and in a few days she will be 57 years old.
• Daddy I miss you. You were a wonderful father.
• Make me a servant Dear Lord and keep me in your Word.
• This world is "not" my HOME, I am just passing through.
• Be grateful.

Medicine and aging.....

I hate growing old in some ways. The aching and the medicine. I ache so much now, especially in the cold months. I have a bad knee, right, with arthritis just like my Grandma. It bothers me alot at night when I am sleeping when I want to turn over. Also, I take a water pill and Zoloft. My mail order company messed up on my subscriptions for these two meds and I have been waiting now for over a week with no meds. I can sure tell it - that feeling is back like I want to scream or cry and can't do either. It's a horrible feeling, I don't like it. Anyway, they should come this week. Such is life...............

Ramdon Thoughts 1-8-2005

I know it has been awhile since I posted and there has been alot going on. Summer and Fall has gone and now the cold, freezing winter is upon us. The older I get, the worse I hate winter.
Bill did a fabulous job again this year with all the outside and inside Christmas decorations. He has done them ALL now for several years and thoroughly enjoys it.
Bill and I together did 25 recipes for Christmas baking this year. Also, Bill has started in the last few months to bake homemade bread again. It is SOOOO good.
And, of course we had a new addition to our family; Kris/Dustie had a little baby girl, Adrianne Jeanne on THANKSGIVING DAY. What a blessing.
This was our FIRST Christmas without all the kids home. Kris/Dustie hosted her family this year and due to some bad renter's Britton/Jason had to wait and came home the day after Christmas. But we had great time with all the family members of Arlene/Lloyd's plus others. We had about 25 here that day. FOOD, FAMILY AND FUN!!

Noni Juice

Weird name, huh? Well, my brother in law, Lloyd Stoll brought this to our attention at Christmas time and offered us to try a bottle. (see: www.nonijuice.us) Read about it, it is pretty amazing. Anyway, since Bill has been taking it; his blood sugars have gone down and what's more amazing is he was at the eye doctor on Thursday and the bleeder in his eye is much better. I am also taking 2 oz each day to see if it will help my stomach and artrititis.

BILL and the Diabetes

I wrote this to my children:
Just so you know: Three months ago during Dad's routine eye exam Dr. Tufte noticed a bleeding blood vessel in the back of Dad's left eye. Said he wanted to watch it more closely and had him make a 3 month appointment. He went today and Dr. Tufte said it is getting worse. What Dad has to now watch for is any blurring that starts inthat left eye. They cannot do laser surgery "until" the eye starts to blur. So, we have a follow up appointment again in 3 months; unless something occurs first. This is all caused by his diabetes. We ask for your prayers.
Then I wrote this to Britton later that day:
Britton - I wish you were here. I am feeling rather down about this. I don't know what Dad would do if he lost his sight. Just think of all the things he would lose - puttsing in the garage, making things, reading the Bible, playing solitaire, everything in this life. I don't know what Taylor and I would do................I know it's not going to happen over night.....................but I am scared.
And then she wrote back to me:
Of course we'll pray. But don't worry. Remember to give it to God.(Look at it this way...) Dad won't "lose" anything, he'll gain something...-learning new and different things.-gaining new and better acute senses.-beginning a new adventure of becoming even closer and rely more on Godthan you ever have in your life.And yes, it won't happen "overnight". It may not even happen at all.There is nothing to be scared about. Remember the times that you have gone through (what at the time seemed to be) the worst or lowest points ofyour marriage, AND YOU MADE IT THROUGH THAT. So just try to keep positive thinking. Like another walk through the park of life.
That really helped and I love her so much for this. Like I said before on my blog - as we grow older - I will need them more......